Although I can't be sure of the date, it's likely the material I wrote for the eventually abandoned "Album Of Wrath" had been completed by late April 2006. The Ill-Fitting Garibaldis' gave rise to my passion for lyric writing and ultimately (if I may be so modest) nourishing my bold talent. The casual observer would never guess all ten tracks were written in a remarkably short period of time, concurrent with the likes of "Dark Church". I still have yet to get round to recording the album, having on multiple occasions considered using the odd-song with The Garibaldis. At the time of writing, Steve Wicked was eager to use them himself! I have no plans to record the tracks currently but who knows, one day perhaps - it would be a shame to let such fine prose go to waste.
WRATH’S
INTRODUCTION
The following album
Is about a sin
The worst of all
Known as “Wrath”
Wrath’s a person
He’s in all of us
But mainly in evil
And this is his story
But there is a tale
To be told
And a message
To be sold
It’s important to know
Wrath is pure evil
And never mix with sinful doings
As it is the equivalent of:
Having intercourse with Wrath
DEVIL’S
BIRTH WAS QUICK
Fighting for some respiration
Inside each of my peachy cells
Down there the Devil gives birth
I none of the many, many Hells!
Forgiveness is a very sick man
Whom doth not always flee
Try talking to him with your mouth full
He’ll expose you to the obscene!
The devil’s birth as quick
His mother made the doctors sick
They coughed up phlegm and said:
Christ, your son’s been born dead – little
did they know…
The devil’s birth was quick
His life was disguised with tricks
He lead on many a man
And with his friend Wrath raped them
This ain’t the first we’ll hear of Wrath
For did you know he wasn’t partial to a
bath
Which leads on to my next point
Wrath loved now and again a good old sneaky
joint
The devil’s birth as quick
Devil’s birth was quick
Devil’s birth was quick
Devil’s birth was quick
Devil’s birth was quick
Devil’s birth was quick
Devil’s birth was quick
Vomit – vomit – sick-sick-sick!
I like to eat rabbits
While they’re still alive
I listen to trip-hop music
Whilst I fantasise
Courtney Love in dungarees
Smoking herbal trees
In the woods
Watch it burn!
RORY’S
NEW GUITAR
Been strumming all my life
Never had a wife!
Turned down relationships
Just to strum my six-string beauty
I got a new guitar
I’m gonna call her Martha II
I gotta new guitar
Strumming her all day long!
Pickin’ here, scrapin’ there
Writing new songs – what a dare!
Strumming Martha’s heartstrings
She’s screaming out my name (Rory!)
Playing her till I drop
She lies in my sweaty hair
Martha lies in my bedroom
But never on the bed
That’s because she’s inanimate
And also quite dead
Yet she still gives me pleasure
Makes my hair stand on end
“Martha, Martha!” I cry out loud
While she makes my body bend
She still gives me pleasure
She still makes me whine
Her stamina’s amazing
To say I’m twiddling her all the time
Then one night however
A snap resounded down her neck
…So I got a new guitar
PLOUGH
OF WOOD
You used to live in Texas right?
(Sure I did!)
You used to light the fire right?
(Sure I did!)
Went to summer camp every year?
(Sure I did!)
Encountered many a grisly bear?
(What’s your point?)
I once saw a plough!
That was made of wood!
Can you even believe it?
Plough of a wood!
You used to visit pensioners right?
(Sure I did!)
You used to own a yellow kite?
(Sure I did!)
You drank Ribena since the age of four?
(Sure I did!)
You’ve cut down a tree to make a door?
(Who hasn’t?)
I’m your mate
We’ll play games
Fun and laughter
Party people!
Loving animals
Pets and people
World peace
I love you
How can I express my love to you?
Other than in words
Or perhaps by using the metaphor:
Plough of wood!
I’VE
ALWAYS SEEN THE WEST RUN IN THIS LAND
Why does the west always run?
While the east tries to hide
Forget about the north
Go south and jump inside
Feelings cough-up strange emotions
Cowboy films after dark
I’m feeling strongly
For your whole being, baby
I’ve always seen the west run in this land
Whilst the east just sits alone
You think a man will ever be born,
Who can unite the two in harmony?
Sensing, bridges
Falling, ridges
The cake burns in the oven
As I listen to this unfinished symphony
Why does the west always run?
While the east tries to hide
I’ve always seen the west run in this land
North, south, east, west – bow down!
I am he
He is Rory!
I am he
He is Rory!
I am he
He is Rory!
I am he
He is Rory!
I am he
He is Rory!
I am he
He is Rory!
I am he
He is Rory!
I am he
That’s the end of this story…
WHEN
THE MUSIC DON’T WORK (BLAME AN ELF)
You know the feeling you get
Whilst roaming the magic woods?
Magic mushrooms are your path
You feel an real-high rush
You know your feet are on the ground
But you can see for miles!
And then you try to sing, it comes out all
wrong!
Time to blame an elf…
When the music don’t work – blame an elf!
When the music don’t work – blame an elf!
When the music don’t work – blame an elf!
Or, even, do it yourself
This is my song and I wanna sing it loud
I wanna tell everyone I’m Scottish and
proud!
So what if I didn’t grow up there,
So what if I don’t have ginger hair,
I know where my roots are… and that is:
Scotland
This is my song and I wanna sing it loud
I wanna tell everyone I’m Scottish and proud!
So what if you don’t like this song
Blame an elf why don’t you, you silly cow
I know where my roots are… and that is:
Scotland
You know the feeling you get
Whilst roaming the magic woods?
Magic mushrooms are your path
You feel an real-high rush
You know your feet are on the ground
But you can see for miles!
And then you try to sing, it comes out all
wrong!
Time to blame an elf…
THIS
REALLY IS A WILD WORLD
I’m a cowboy, shovel the dung
Life is hard, ain’t always fun
Luckily I got Shelley
The biggest girl in Kentucky
Every night, go for a fight…
On the olde, olde fields of
Alabama! This is a wild, wild world, in
Alabama! Living on this farm
Alabama! Just me and my big breasted Shelley
Alabama! Rearing pigs for life!
Living in the wild- wild west
Kentucky to the east, Alabama
to the west
I’m a cowboy from the south
My Shelley came from the west
The west is clearly the best
Best, best, west-west-west
CHRISTMAS
WITH WRATH (THE WORST PARTY IN TINSELTOWN)
Once a year, on the twenty-fifth
Santa comes down, gives us gifts
But there’s one house, he’ll always miss
‘Cos in
that house lives wrath!
Wrath, Wrath, evil personified
Even Christmas don’t save his soul
He’s the evilest thing alive!
Wrath, Wrath, Santa’s enemy
He gives gifts if you’re good
But every year, from Wrath he doth flee
In his house there ain’t no tree
No lights, gifts or tinsel
Wrath detests all that’s good
That’s why the police gave him a criminal
record;
To keep him away from kids
If Wrath touches them they’ll be sinned
Imagine Wrath was Midas
Then all he touched would be black
Opposed to gold.
He lives in Tinseltown
He wins the “evil crown”
Wrath ain’t a fan of Slade
Buy him a monicle and be his slave
WRATH!
Yeah…
WRATH’S
REPRISE
So, you think you know Wrath?
Several songs can’t just sum him up
One more thing has to be done…
One more song to make Wrath’s feelings
clear
To help you understand what he’s all about
Don’t be surprised if what you learn now
shocks,
You may feel the urge to scream and shout
As I foretold, Wrath’s story is not pretty
For all he touches turns to black,
This makes going to the toilet very
inconvenient
So without further-a-do,
I introduce to you,
The Ten Commandments of Wrath!
You have been warned!
THE
TENTH COMMANDMENT OF WRATH
Wrath! Wrath! Wrath! Wrath!
Singing about Wrath,
In and out of the bath
This ain’t no black mass
But we’re talking about Wrath!
Wrath is the thing that keeps children
awake
Dreaming of sin that only they can make;
In the night Wrath touches them deep,
Gives them all his evil – to keep
Wrath has no remorse – he’ll eat up a horse
He’s personified by evil that we don’t
endorse
Wrath’s commandments are simple:
To kill and mame!
Wrath will rape your children
They’ll never be the same!
One: death
Two: kill
Three: eat
Four: dare
Five: cry
Six: play guitar
Seven: die quickly
Eight: rape!
By the time you get to nine,
Wrath has committed the crime
Of the tenth commandment which is…
CANNABALISM!
