Showing posts with label autobiographical. Show all posts
Showing posts with label autobiographical. Show all posts

Friday, 6 August 2021

My Blog #015 ~ An unlikely reunion!

Hello it is me again (Rory). I am back connected to the internet with news of excitements that have befallen me over the last months!

A quick update for any concerned parties (uncle Craig) - the only damage from my long covid is liver and brain damage.

As this is my first update in many months, I should bring all you virtual pals up-to-date!

~ ~ ~

In July last year I was humbled into admitting Covid-19 was indeed a genuine pandemic when I got the illness.

It is possible I infected many many people as I was prostituting myself at the time* (thanks to a bad bunch who befriended me).  Witnessing first hand, hospitals filled with coronavirus sufferers like myself, was a mindblowing situation.  It was this reality that helped me realign and recognise my mental troubles.

Once well enough to be on my feet, I began seeing several mental health professionals who have been very good for me (well, Dr. Carol is at least, I don't expect to be seeing Dr. Murdock again anytime soon**).

I now realise I am a submissive personality and inflicted with manias. Which specifically my doctor doesn't know yet.  We are working through this.

I would like to thank the excellent health carers of Thurso and Scrabster for these last eighteen months and apologise again for making their jobs so much harder.

But what of the excitements I promised?

These come in the shape of a very unlikely reunion!

~ ~ ~

Just before last Christmas I received a visitor.  An old colleague; musician, poet, explorer - it was Mr. Steven Wicked (form. Glenn Glenson)!

For years I'd feared seeing my old friend Steven again.  His face represented something I had grown to hate: my own failings.  But the day he did turn up on my fathers doorstep (December 25th, 2020) was exactly the right time (whilst practically being quite an inconvenient time).

Hospitalised with "long" covid between July and October, I had turned over a new leaf mentally.  My body dysmorphia had subsided to the point where I no longer cared about my pallid androgynous ugliness.  My mind was cleared and thoughts had returned to the poetic.

Despite my (albeit unexpected) joy at seeing Steven in the flesh, he seemed much less receptive.  It turned out we were contractually still bound to a reggae project together, entitled Spliff Riddims.

Our previous Spliff Riddims release (from 2012) had made a "major comeback" financially - accruing several digital sales (known in the industry as digisales) within a two week period. Business-savvy as ever, the brain behind the band now known simply as TIFG, Wicked (alongside, begrudingly, his lackey Robert Heart Jnr) was chomping at the bit to release more music to fill this re-emerging market.

In December 2019, I couldn't have imagined ever making music again but, a year later, the prospect thrilled me!  The thick-slather of pride that came knowing these professional musicians wanted my contribution again certainly resurrected some mojo - spirits were higher than they had been in recent memory (since possibly - dare I admit it - the glory days of An Angel Called Lucifer?)

So on Christmas Day 2020 I found myself riding shotgun back down south, Mr (or should that be Maestro?) Steven Wicked at the wheel of a very impressive car!

[I here must apologise, again, to my long-suffering blood relatives for abandoning them on Jesus' Special Day. Since his days studying under Master McWren, Steven has refused to acknowledge December 25th as a public holiday; consequently it was the only day he was available to collect me]

Steven gratiously put me up in a (very fancy!) B&B just outside of Swinton for several days before we crossed the mythic border - where my homeland ends and that Great Mistress England begins.

After a fourth night alone [I must confess: around Day 3, scared I'd been forgotten, my panic attacks of old returned with increasing ferocity - needless to say I was being a dafty!!] my collaborator, inspiration and "bonne ammiee" (French = "best bud") reappeared for the final leg of the journey.

Returning to the Bowels Of The Basement studio did bring mixed emotions; so many bad bad times were had in those latter days of 2013.  Predictably, bullish colleague Robert did his best to undermine my abilities - his vitriolic attacks weren't completely without merit however.  I hadn't realised we'd be going straight into a recording situation, so picking up drumsticks for the first time in years was intimidating.  Plus I'd forgotten how reggae was meant to sound.

Once the stylistic intentions were ironed out, we completed an albums-worth of songs within a couple of hours [lo and behold, the talent never went away!] and I was permitted my old bed (how I'd missed staring up at that dripping boiler!) in Steven's grandma's basement.  She was as lovely as ever! [although didn't remember me, oddly?]

~ ~ ~

Herein lies another announcement: Yes, we recorded an entire ALBUM that day! 

As of today only a single has been released (for marketing technicalities beyond me) but I will keep you updated when I have details on the album release date.

A second Spliff Riddims album!  Blessed times indeed πŸ’š

~ ~ ~

In a flurry of activity I added the instruments I remembered how to play and oversaw the mixing process.  Unless my memory has degraded to an extent further than my doctors expect, all the recording technology appears to have changed since 2013?  I spent several years attempting ― through magic, herbs and group-think ― to erase all memories of electricity; so it's possible this did work after all?!

Engineering Steven and Robert's demands was a challenge, especially with their heavy imbibing of illicit substances.  Substances I myself have now abandoned.  I was led to believe [in some brief small-talk Steven engaged in during our nine-hour journey] that the two were recently sober.

But akin to method actors diving into their role whole-heartedly, my musical brothers insisted authenticity could only be achieved through chemical alteration.  I agreed.  In hindsight I am thankful they kept me at arms-length for the whole process of recording.  Illegal drugs and me can no longer mix and I presume they must have known that.

~ ~ ~

The musical work had been finished within a few days of that initial session but it was agreed I should remain on-hand for a week or so in case needed.  Unfortunately the English government enforced another pandemic-lockdown, resulting in three months isolation in the aforementioned basement.  Food and drink were left outside daily (Steven's grandma?) and once every two weeks I was permitted a video-call with Dr. Carol.

It is testament to the excellent work of my psychologists that those days between January and March found me mentally capable enough to survive.  No natural light, no human interaction and an incessant drip-drip-drip which become swiftly tiresome!

Each day began with the possibility [and hope] I may be required to record my friend Steven (or even foe, Robert!)  Although that rarely came to pass, I occupied myself happily(!!) with drawing, solitaire and writing imaginary songs, each at tempo with the leaking boiler.

I was needed twice over the months to correct some pitch issues and insert some monologues - both quick jobs.  My first interaction-proper came towards the end of March when Robert opened the door to my defacto-prison, presenting me with a coach ticket to Aberdeen.

Despite our disagreements as musicians and humans, it was nice to see Robert that day.  He looked almost shocked to see me in one piece!  Telling me he had "been aware" of my "problems" he was "glad I felt happier as a woman."  It was a nice thing to say and I appreciated it both then and now.***


Steven, Rory (male) and Robert
 

These pictures were taken on the day in 2013 a new contract was drawn up determining the future of The Ill-Fitting Garibaldis and other TIFG-Projects revenue splits. Robert's successful distraction technique (pictured) resulted in me failing to read the contract I then signed (pictured). In short, as Steven was seemingly aware of and uncomfortable with (pictured), the contract shafted me. On the plus it retained my equal involvement with Spliff Riddims!

 

So therein lies the first part of this lengthy update.  An arrival coinciding not with the release of Spliff Riddims 'A Warning' single (as originally intended had I internet access) but, as eagle-eyed TIFG-Project fans will have noticed, upon the release of ANOTHER NEW RELEASE More of that in my next blog...

I love you all and thank you for standing by me all these years.

I am back and better than ever!

I am Rory x

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

* To any of my family reading this: yes, your suspicions were true and I truly regret you finding this out here but I do not have the fortitude to admit these things to you in person for reasons that should be obvious.  Also I apologise for the "troubles" (those concerned know what I mean!)

** Sorry, once again, Dr. Murdock; I hope you are in better health now.

*** As you can only have been aware of my developments from this blog, I'll presume you are reading this and use this as a chance to say: thank you, Robert.  I know I was a wreck when we parted ways in 2013.  I strive to be better not just for me but for you as well.  Peace and love, always.

Thursday, 22 August 2013

"I Smell Brown"

Here's the first song I have written since deciding to leave The Ill-Fitting Garibaldis. It is in a similar vain to a song I wrote which was subsequently titled 'Texas Is Friggin' Great' and released as a single, much to my dismay. I was very unhappy with the gimmicky nature of those words and the performance of the vocals; with 'I Smell Brown' you can get a glimpse at what I intended. I think you'll agree it's a huge improvement.


I Smell Brown

I smell brown - all around
It's time for a fresh sound in this town
Ticking clock - crusty sock?
There'll be no slander this time around!
Five to one - one in three
The odds were stacked against me
But I fought - thick and thin
I'm off the booze now, I got that from my system!
Who knew - you fools
I'd succeed and leave you wasted in the gutter
Can't you tell - you're going to hell
The Gods on my side and we're laughing at your fate now
Save the world - save the poor
My message clear now I've grown up right and proper
Life was grim - sick on chin
I hit the bottom and survived it for the better
I got to say - I hate the gays
I don't care what you bring up in my past
You say what? - you cannot stop
I'm on another level here's what I've got to say:

As time goes by from sea to sand
We roll with punches, we farm the land
A cuckoo nesting feeds on salt
Rhyme or reason, without fault
My humble message spreads the word
Of God and lovers, friend and foe
Run with me
Save the bee
The planet's weeping can't you see?

Saturday, 18 May 2013

Lonesome, This Night

Lonesome, troublesome, this night
Cannot be right these rumours of flight
For what? I ask. For what?

Wonder aloud, wondering around
Your sound echoes through reverb chambers,
That song. Without now?
What's gone wrong?
These long nights...

Wednesday, 3 April 2013

I smell like suicide

Feeling like Charlie and Craig Reid's
"Caledonian clown"
I reminisce and wish my
Scottish roots were somewhat more,
Prominent.

Have I lost my way?
I rediscover "Turning Stones" - it helps:
Judy Tzuke's philosophy of youth
"We'll go dreaming" forever-more
At least I hope; for now
I can but mope.

The man whose name rhymed with
Mandy, remains in my thoughts;
Such tragedy.

Saturday, 30 March 2013

Life goes on (a thanks)

I would like to dedicate a few words to my good friends Steve and Robert. From the possibility of an emotionally irksome week, today they helped me see that life goes on. They continue to shape me for the better both externally (courtesy of Steve's fashion direction) and internally (Rob's philosophy). I am deeply in gratitude for all they have done and continue to do in my life. This is for them, with (brotherly) love.


LIFE GOES ON (A THANKS)
Construction from evulsion

To thee and thou I express gratitude
In the way I only know how.


Friday, 29 March 2013

CUPCAKES

THESE WORDS ARE FOR HIM:
FUCK YOU
I'LL EAT THE
FUCKING CUPCAKES
MYSELF.

Sunday, 24 March 2013

No Justice (I.U.P.G.)

On March 23rd I was arrested under mistaken identity and held in a police cell for four nights. Despite my innocence, I was verbally abused, sexually humiliated and held in contempt by those in charge. With no money, upon release I forced to hitch-hike 75 miles to Glossop.


NO JUSTICE
(INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY)

No justice, no justice


I'm innocent I say.
Give us your name they say
I'm innocent I protest.
Where were you on this date they aggress
I'm innocent I cry.
Shackled they split my eye,
My innocent eye.

No justice, no justice

Groping they accuse,
In a loving relationship I prove.
Guilty they imply when
Innocent, am I.
For the crime of mistaken identity
A fiddling nonce I may become,
In the eyes of their justice.
Where's my justice?

Thursday, 7 March 2013

Oh, Lucre

For without we sink
An audial abyss
That which doesn't attract
Fails in its reap
And ho-ho how low
We who doth preach
Nobody hears the band
Nobody hears the band
Oh, lucre

Thursday, 28 February 2013

A poem for him

Indebted to your kindness,
through sacred natured time
we dance in the name of Eros.
Randy.

Monday, 24 September 2012

"Trainspotting"

Trainspotting
I think I love you
Like Bowie just couldn't
Lennon packed you in
And what good did it do to him?
You sure pissed off ol' Neil Young
And if that's not an advert for your charm,
Then I'll start watching AndrΓ© Rieu
Stone cold sober.

I think I love you
In ways Boyle totally missed
No dead baby's gonna keep me
From your heavenly bliss
You proved to me God does exist
And Allah, Buddha and the rest
Together they forged you to show
Humans a new reality.

I think I love you
As much as Bieber will come to
I know I love you
As much as Bieber will come to

Sunday, 23 September 2012

"Late Last Night"

Late Last Night (On The Promenade)
Late last night
We drank wine
Moonlight lit, your eyes were fixed to mine
And mine to yours
Dancing round and round
To the hypnotic haunting sound of the trombone

Late last night (on the promenade)
We held hands (it was getting hard)
Cautiously I ask will you be mine? Tonight?
You say yes! (on the promenade)
Then undress (I was quite impressed)

You go down
And I realise I love you
I love you
More than any other man I've ever known
For there is no greater pleasure
Than to be with you alone

Saturday, 7 January 2012

"Like Slippery Elm"

A rare experiment of mine into rhythmic-writing, or "rap" as it's also known. A demo was recorded during the Kissing Sally sessions but remains unreleased.


Like Slippery Elm
Steve is the man - the man with the plan
Like slippery elm I'll take you to the helm
'sdeep - not cheap - reap -
don't sow - you sow!
I'll hold you down - funky-funky town
Cats of Claw Hill
You can call me Al
Goodwin - Chegwin
Keith-egg-beer-keg-got-grot-rot-notalot-just-enough

Reminding you of cranberry cheese
Robert Heart'll bring you to your knees
Or vice versa - he's old you see
Or is he? Here's Rory McB,
To reveal all he'll crawl head first
through a sewer pipe - yeah it
smells he'll deal, for-one
for sure - for-five - for-real
The Scot-Scrot-Squad
Scroteam! Scroteam! Go team!

Friday, 6 March 2009

"The Painful Tale"

Written fairly early 2009 during an online chat with my good friend and ex-Garibaldi, David Picklesworth. Despite the production of Hope And Monet overrunning by a year, David never got round to recording the vocal part I had written for him. He's forgiven.


THE PAINFUL TALE OF RORY'S McBUTT
[Steve]
It's time for a tale of the untold love
Between two simple souls
One was a boy the other a man
Wait wait wait, hear us out!
They say that incest just ain't right
And I would tend to agree
It'll please you to hear that this ain't that
And has nothing to do with me!

[Rory]
I first met Dave when I was young
Too young some would say
We hit it off like a house on fire
Music was our game
We sang about eating snacks
Biscuits and the like
It all was fun and innocent
Dreams of taking the mic'

Give me an E, I'll exchange you a B
Sugar coated raisins' sounds just fine to me
Take out that G, put in a C
Walking on a dessert island, Lancelot and me

Finished off the album
"What next?" I ask aloud
"Bend over" was the reply
I didn't make a sound
Awkwardness came afterwards
Embarrasment and regret
I couldn't remember much of it
Something made me forget...

[David]
"Drop you an E, I'll have my fun with thee
Do the crime fuck the time, down South I shall flee
Take out the girth, my name is Picklesworth
Bump and grind all the time, little Rory and me
Bump and grind all the time - little Rory and me!!!"

[Bob]
I heard this story recently
Quiet shocked I was indeed
I won't be playing similar games
Regardless of the deed
I'm simply here to rock the show
An OAP? Hell no!
Here's the moment you've been waiting for
An extended bass solo

Sunday, 5 November 2006

"David David, I Love You"

One of three tracks written in a therapeutic burst of inspiration for what, at the time, I planned to be a solo album. The song has never been recorded and is so personal, I'm not sure I could bring myself to do so. I would rather not say explicitly to whom the song refers, only that it comes from the heart and hopefully will stimulate the duel feelings of adulation and loss for that special person who may no longer be in your life.


DAVID, DAVID (I LOVE YOU)

David, David
Would you condemn me?
If I told you my feelings
Have changed
David, David
Please do hear me out
I want you to know I
Feel…  I:
Love-you-love-you-love-you-love-you-love-you-love-you-
Love-you-love-you-love-you-love-you-love-you-love-you-
Love-you-love-you-love-you-love-you-love-you-love-you-
Love-you-love-you-love-you-love-you-love-you-love-you-
Love-you-love-you-love-you-love-you-love-you-love-you-
Love-you-love-you-love-you-love-you-love-you-love-you-
Love-you-love-you-love-you-love-you-love-you-love-you-
Love-you-love-you-love-you-love-you-love-you I do!

David, David
Would you believe me?
If I told I was happy and
Gay?
The things we have done
Over the years
Are illegal I have no
Doubt

But David I just wanted to say
You mean more than you could ever know
Even if we have to make love
In a caravan
When I am rich
I’ll buy us a house
With a bed if you’ll agree
To take my hand!

You are the pickle to my cheese
You make my head spin round
Not in a nasty Exorcist way
But in a pleasurable way I assure you

David no words can describe
What you mean to me
A guess the phrase “lots and lots and lots”
Kind of sums it up though
I hate the fact you had to move away
Just because what you were doing ain’t strictly legal
Doesn’t make you a criminal in my mind
So stay on the run and I’ll come to see you soon!

David, David
Would you condemn me?
If I told you my feelings
Won’t change
David, David
Please do hear me out
I want you to know I
Feel…  I:
Love-you-love-you-love-you-love-you-love-you-love-you-
Love-you-love-you-love-you-love-you-love-you-love-you-
Love-you-love-you-love-you-love-you-love-you-love-you-
Love-you-love-you-love-you-love-you-love-you-love-you-
Love-you-love-you-love-you-love-you-love-you-love-you-
Love-you-love-you-love-you-love-you-love-you-love-you-
Love-you-love-you-love-you-love-you-love-you-love-you-
Love-you-love-you-love-you-love-you-love-you I do!